Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Oh what a day

 Let me just say, I am having a day.  You know, one of those days were things are continually just off, small crisis not averted, frustration after frustration builds until all that's left to do is throw the cell phone out the window and crawl under the covers? 

I will say that a few of the events were my fault. There are certain tasks one should not undertake when having a limited amount of time.  Painting is definitely one of them. All was going fine - dabs of the deep blue paint to touch up missed spots, bed safely pushed away from the wall, blue tape covering the edges...all was under control...right up to the moment when I felt a river down my pant legs resulting in blue feet, a folding chair that is no longer a pretty red print and lovely deep blue as far as the eye could see. Crisis. I didn't allot for this! And in running to find rags and paper towels, I added to the beauty with leaving blue footprints throughout the apartment.

 I don't believe "going with the flow, worry about it when I get home" have ever been used as character descriptions of mine. So in the twenty minutes before I had to leave the house, there's a shower, a floor clean up, a pajama pant burial, and multiple pep talks with myself about how "it's ok to leave brushes covered with paint in the sink and a sheet covered with paint on the floor. The sky won't fall. Breathe, it's ok, just walk out the door". Not that I wasn't acutely aware the entire time I was out of the mess, Oh the mess, that was waiting for me at home.

Crisis 1 - definitely my fault. Lesson learned? Painting is serious business and should not be tangoed with unless a minimum of two hours is available.

Fun and not at all frustrating event #2: while rushing to the appointment, as part of some time management punishment, obviously I get stuck behind 2 buses, one stalled car, and road construction.  We saw that coming right? However, thanks to my anal-ness and need to arrive everywhere at least fifteen minutes early, I still made it on time.

Event #2 - partially my fault, partially blaming the city of Los Angeles.

The straw the broke the camels back Event:
"Please say your name and press the # key when you are done."
"Lauren #"
"I'm sorry, I didn't get that. Please say your name and press the # key when you are done."
" Did you say 'lawrence'? Press 1 for yes and 2 for no."
"I'm sorry. We do not recognize that name. Please say your name and press the # key when you are done."

When my phone dropped the call for the third time during this automated message hell after 10 minutes for each call, I was ready to forgo all electronic devices, move to Tahiti after having run over my cell phone with my car. This obviously cannot be construed as my fault whatsoever and is clearly some karmic punishment for sins in my past life. 

Forgetting that I just gave up electronics, I turn to my computer to check email and, wait for it - my Internet is down.

That's it. It's 3 pm and I'm calling it a day. I won't dare to say that things can't get worse, because I know they could and I have no doubt that the master of the universe will teach me a thing or two should I challenge him. And yes, nothing horrible, nothing life or death, nothing catastrophic. Just all of those little inconveniences that weasel their way into my pores and cause me to consider jumping off the roof as a viable afternoon activity.

Time for another self pep talk, keeping in mind that I do believe if one is heard talking to oneself too often, the day could end with a whole different activity involving strait jackets and locked wards. Still  "breathe, it's fine. Everything's taken care of. Just breathe".

Why is it that the modern miracles such as cars and computers and phones are the most infuriating when they don't run smoothly? I never have as violent thoughts about people as I do about my cell phone, with the exception of ruthless genocidal dictators. There's something about that little square box that seems like it's mocking me when it doesn't cooperate. Because I know that the solution is probably slapping me in the face and yet, I’m blind to it. And I don't learn. I don't donate my supposed timesaving devices and live off the land. No. I glare at this square with keys, I yell at the automated voice on the machine, I ...well, the spilling paint was my fault, so hypothetically I could learn to not start things that mere mortals require more time for, but remember, I have a slow learning curve for these life lessons.

Sitting on the couch, at least I can laugh about it. That's all there really is to do. Chalk the day up as fodder for good stories and wash the blue paint out of my hair.  I'd rather have a hundred small problems than one large one, so at least I can be grateful about that.

There's just one thing...I have to go to Walgreens to pick up a prescription sometime today.  I believe I’ll give the world a little 'time-out' before I venture out my front door again...just in case. 

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