This is a final notice to cease and desist any and all pointless worry. In concordance with the terms of your lease, you are required to maintain a habitable environment and I regret to inform you that your anxious pondering and obsessive rigidity are a violation of your contract.
I am aware of the Creativity Thief that has been stalking the neighborhood and apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. Hopefully following today’s court proceedings, he will no longer be a threat to our residents.
I would like resolving this matter amicably, and would suggest the sage wisdom of a Ms. Ida. “99% of what we worry about never happens.” I realize we have had a turbulent relationship previously, and are optimistic that we can come to a peaceful compromise in the immediate future. Otherwise, you will be receiving an eviction notice within the week.
Please do not hesitate to contact me, say a prayer, or take a pill at any time.