Me: "Um, you said you would be here for sure by yesterday to fix the fridge and the drawers and you never showed up..."
Obnoxious and inefficient landlord with a sweet smile: "Oh Lauren, you know what happened...there was just so much to do. So what's the problem again?"
Me: "The drawers that I've shown you six times before - still not working. and the light in the fridge - not on."
Landlord: "Huh, well, yeah, let me speak with the owners and get back to you..."
Me: "I thought you were the owner"
Landlord: "Yes, that's true."
At which point I wisely decide that before my blood pressure starts to cause smoke to come out of my ears, I will give up. Yes, I'm declaring defeat. Points for landlord: 100. Points for Lauren: 0. Really, by now, it's not about the drawers or the fridge, it's the principle of things! However, of the many lessons I've learned in life (most of which i have to learn over and over before they sink into my thick skull) this is not a fight worth having...It's not really important, and it's not worth the annoyance that talking to the landlord causes...repeat after me, let it go lauren, let it go...
And yes, i can recognize that amidst loss of a job, unexplained medical problems, and other daily stresses, it's easier to place all of the frustration on the broken drawer than it is to rage at the unfairness of life in its totality. Because i know that life isn't fair. i don't agree with that - and should i get a conversation with the creator of all things, we will be discussing this to be sure. But for the time being, i get it - life is unfair. And I also know that often the things that seem to be the worst luck, the most unfair punishments, the hardest crises, are often the things that make me grow, make me a better person, make me turn in new directions to be open to unforseen opportunities and joys. all true. but those are all gifts of reflection, to be achieved sometime in the future, and right now at this moment, they really just seem like troubles that i want to wish away.
I've spoken with my neighbors in an effort to garner support for my homicide plan. Seeing as everyone in the building is unemployed, we all have ample time for strategy meetings. My friend across the hall tells me she's moving back to michigan (guessing this has more to do with lack of employment than her hatred of the landlord). One neighbor doesn't speak english, so I'm going to chalk her comments which I can't understand up to absolute support for my actions. The couple next door look stricken..."but he's so sweet! How can you say that!?" Sure, they've just moved in...i'm betting that three week down the road they too will have turned over to the dark side.
Granted, with a job or children or life's work to focus on, i'd probably spend less time dwelling on broken drawers and frustrating landlords. Very true and thank you for pointing that out. Among the many gifts of unemployment (including banishment of the sunday night blues as every night is sunday night) is the ability to focus on minuscule anthills and transform them into mountains. So by the end of the day, I do have more perspective. Wish my three wishes from the genie, of course, happiness and health and world peace...homicide having slipped to number four.
It's been suggested to me that instead of counting sleep in the face of chronic insomnia, I should try to make a gratitude list working thru the alphabet. For example, A: I'm grateful for apples, B: grateful for benjamin, C...and so on. I am all for having gratitude, and often try to start the day listing five things i'm grateful for. But this alphabet of gratitude has yet to work for me. And i've really tried - on my third trip thru the alphabet, i tend to start a list of my own...and I'm creative - at three in the morning, there are all sorts of possible lists to be made. I'm envisioning a list for tonight:
Ways to torture my landlord:
A: arson (this has some fatal flaws seeing as we live in the same building...)
B: Buying out the building from him (again, having no job - troublesome to manuver)
C: collecting all stray puppies I want to save and keeping them in my pet-banned apartment
But really, I'm letting it go...